To Bee or Not To Bee

It has been reported as recently as of last week that in 24 states throughout the country that bees have been disappearing inexplicably at an alarming rate. This disappearing act is not only threatening the livelihood of the nation’s beekeepers but also affects numerous crops as well.

A beekeeper in Visalia, California got the shock of his life when he opened several of his bee boxes only to find half of his 100 million bees. The other half… Missing. Gone. Kaput. Poof!

I think it was Einstein that said if all the bees in the world were to vanish we would most likely follow in their demise within four years.

FOUR YEARS kids.

I don’t mean to be an alarmist but 50 million bees missing from one farm is a fright in itself. We as human beings need to do something as soon as possible or be dealt a hand that could possibly be worse than the 2000 Presidential Elections.

And that something needs to begin with you and me.

So for my part I have hit the streets in search of human counterparts to take the place of our little buzzy friends in the event that they do indeed go tits up in the next few years. I will continue to provide you with the latest in bee news and keep you updated in my quest to find the perfect human bee for the job at hand.

And with that said my friends I would like to introduce you to today’s unique find.

Boys and Girls… I present

The African Urban Hip-Hop Hu-Bee.

Bees are not fast fliers. Yes, their wings may beat close to 11,000 cycles per minute but in the heart of things this barely adds up to only about 15 bee miles per hour, whereas a true fly in the genus Forcipomyia Giddyuptus can flap its wings at 62,000 cycles per minute.

However…

The African Urban Hip-Hop Hu-Bee is so fast, mind you, that our team had to have special aerodynamic headgear designed to deal with the severe wind shear. At first this posed quite a dilemma until one of our engineers decided to place the wind shear deflector on the back of the headgear so as to create an even air flow up and over the head area.

More Hu-Bee Facts

 The average honey bee posses five eyes. The three Ocelli are simple eyes that discern light intensity. While the other two large compound eyes are suited for movement. At first we thought not to play God and tamper with the nature of things but then our scientific yearnings fell prey to our style conscious cravings and we decided on two inner eyes to foresee movement in the environment and two outer eyes to discern and control – control being the key factor here – any and all light sources.

This outer eye apparatus is connected to an audible unit that fits directly over the ears to aid in rhythmatic wing flapage. This audible thumping over the ears can usually be heard as far away as 100 meters in what one naturalist described as a steady “boom, boom, boom.

The African Urban Hip-Hop Hu-Bee can easily be identified by its bright chest colors. These markings, scientist believe is also used to warn off the dreaded Mississippi Cracker Hu-bee: A long time natural enemy to the Hip-Hop Hu-Bee family

As a reporter for this blog… I feel that by working closely with our human counterparts alongside the insect world we may not only survive this missing bee crisis but may end up taking a huge load off of our little bee buddies thus leaving them more time to make honey in the sun while the world babbles on.

Tomorrow, We will come face to face with the Urban Shadow Sash Hu-Bee. 

50 million bees missing from one farm… damn. Even if you were to spread them out, you still see a few hundred of them hanging out… that is a conundrum…