Water Lilly Alley

Love Takes A Holiday.

-  Good morning oggie woogie.

-  Good morning Lamykins.

-  Why don’t you go and shave and I will start breakfast.

-  Right after a kiss, missy.

-  <wet kissing sounds>

-  Marrying you will be the highlight of my life Oggie-woogie.

-  Me too, Lamy.

-  Oggie, did you set up our wedding registry yesterday?

-  Yes.

-  Where? Macy’s, Crate & Barrel, Bloomingdales, Williams-Sonoma?  

-  Facebook.

-  What!!!

-  Yeah, on Facebook. So far we have already received:
   3 Long Island Iced Teas
   1 Apple Martini
   5 Vodka Cranberries
   1 Bejeweled Blitz
-  A grape patch, a potato patch. a corn patch, all from Farmville. Aslo a lost cow, a roster, a pig, a goat and two apple trees, a peach tree, an orange tree, a melon patch and a swing set that we can place in the shade of the farm house that we will buy with additional purchased points.

-  We also have four imaginary friends that will play scrabble with us for the next six months.

-  From the Mafia club, we received an ice pick, a bomb, handcuffs, one knee-breaker and a snitch.

-  From our friend over at Vampire Wars, we got the power of rodent claw, control over the night crawlers and a magical cape what will allow either one of us to fly upside-down. 

-  49 assorted quizzes.

-  Oh and there was a personal comment from Hayley W. that reads: Wait its not 100 degrees outside, I am cold!

-  We also of this morning, have a lot of pokes and you have three super-pokes from by Dad.

-  FACEBOOK?  You REGISTERED us at FACEBOOK?

-  Are you some kind of fucking moron?

-  No, I’m a burp. I took the What Natural Body Function Are You quiz.

-  Get the fuck out of my house… RIGHT NOW!

You can count on me to do my part.

I have always been taken by words in one sense or another. For instance there are words that live in sounds: Splash, comes to mind, buzz is another, sizzle and snap are just a few that speak for themselves.  When it comes to sex: Warm, soft, fuzzy, moist, slippery, apart and glistening have a complete different meaning altogether than if one were to use the same words to describe a sliced peach that has been left in the backseat of a car in July.

One can also use a single word to convey a wave of feelings: Dreary, passionate, inconsolable, adorable, apprehensive, disillusioned, leery, lost and lonely are just but a few, And yet what they all have in common is that they slip far within themselves, turn around and come right back to the surface zigzagging all the way so that you can never quite pin them down.

Then there are the words that are held captive in groups of ownership. Kids have their own group of words that they use among one another and nowhere else. Men too have their little four letter anatomical descriptions that are shared only within the tribe of men. Women have a bit more in the word basket, words that they use only in the company of other women, words that we shall not touch on at this time for reasons known only to women.

It’s these words that are owned by certain unmixed groups that I wish to discuss today. One word in particular that arises from this thought process is normally not spoken in mixed company, mixed parties or within cultures other than their own.

And that word my friends, is the “N” word. 

Now, I didn’t even say ‘the word’ and somehow there are about 200 million of your 500 trillion synapses desperately trying to short circuit your neurons in the hope that you will not read any further. However, the choice is yours.

Still around?

Spendid.

As I see it, the ‘N’ word over the last 20 years or so has only been spoken within certain selected circles. People within these social circles use the word almost as a term of endearment. I do believe it has a lot to do with countering the downside connotation of how society has associated the word with violence and actions that fall short of what most would expect of what is moral and just. These selected individuals (The N’s) tend to lend themselves to the darker side of life in a belief that the means truly does justify the final outcome of any given situation. This was never more evident than in the late ‘60’s and all through the 70’s.

However, during the 80’s and up until now this social unit has taken full ownership of the word Ninja and proudly utilizes the word within their elite setting. 

Let’s look at a few of the phases that have become popular within this time frame of cultural bondage.

1.   What was that crazy Ninja thinking?
2.   What’s up Ninja?
3.   Oh no, that ninja dint.
4.   Man, that ninja can scale.
5.   Ninja, what are you talking about?
6.   Ninja got game.
7.   Ninja, you ain’t getting none of this unless you get a job… (Female    ninja)
8.   Ninja, I don’t see no ring on this finger. (Female ninja)
9.   Don’t be hatin’ ninja.
10  You feeling me ninja
10. Ninja pul…ease.

So you can see how certain verbiage can be completely and so ever empowering and enriching at the same time within a group that has come to terms with societies’ negativity.

Then there are the ones that wish to be Ninjas but can’t quite pull it off even though they have all the skills and street speak.  These people are mostly white and have been termed Winjas.

Some popular Winjas.
Chuck Norris.
Jean- Claude Van Damme
Billy Jack
John Savage
Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Popeye
Uma Thurman
Charlie’s Angels.

Then we have Real Ninjas
Bruce Lee
Li Mu-bai
Yu Shu-lien
Yu-Xiulian
Sir Te
Wudang.
David Carradine

My point being is that if one is in the realm or reality of who they are, then they have certain rights to the words that describe them or their group.

So back to me… because you know WLA is really all about me even though it takes me forever to make a point.

Every morning as part of my daily ritual I get up, feed the cats, brush my teeth, pull a comb through my hair, throw on a pair of jeans, commando style, some sandals, a shirt and head on down to The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf coffeehouse for a cup of half decaf and half regular coffee.

On Wednesday mornings there are these large, I’m talking mega big ass buses that pull up to the curb at the Coffee Bean, half filled with elderly folks. I would say perhaps the youngest may run about 60, the oldest, 75 or thereabouts. Then there is another group of the elderly that meet at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf to catch the mega assed busses. I’m thinking these are Indian Gaming buses that haul these folks out to the casinos near Palm Springs for a day and night of old folk’s blissful wishing

I don’t have a problem with this, nor do I care if I have to park at the far end of the parking lot because there are so damn many of them. They are everywhere,  in the buses, near the buses, in back of the buses, in front of the buses, milling around in the parking lot, some ordering coffee, some not, but most of them just smoking cigarettes and cigars like time will forbid them the remainder of the pack. 

The line from the bathroom begins at the rear of the coffeehouse and winds towards and out the front door. There are about four people in line, so I wait.

My turn rolls around and there are two female baristas behind the counter that I know and banter with on a daily basis and a male barista working the pastry counter. 

So I get up to the counter, now you have to understand, I have gray hair, salt and pepper some say, and I’m 59 and a half. I’m wearing sandals with ankle socks. Getting the picture?

I’m sorta old, so I figure I can talk old people talk and share a few of old people words. 

I say – in what I think is my indoor voice – to the cat working the pastry counter.

“Dude, are those buses hauling all these old folks off to heaven or what, if so, there are a few that look like they may not make it before the driver finishes stocking the refreshment panel with last minute prayers.”

Well the fucking place goes silent. You could hear a pin drop and If looks could kill I would have been shot, buried, dug up and shot again right then and there by a horde of blue heads 

Old folks can be very, very intimidating when they all hush up at the same time. 

If it weren’t for the sound of the toilet flushing and someone fumbling with the bathroom door lock, trying to get out of the bathroom, you would have thought time has come to an end. 

And I was right there.

Dear Sarah Palin

What in the hell has gotten into you? Did you forget where you came from.? Are you too good for us now? Don’t you remember that when you left for the governor’s mansion we supported you even though you left Wasilla in debt for $20,000,000. We even stuck by you when you decided to use your clout to have your brother-in-law fired. Lest we mention we lied for you when you were stooping your aide while Todd was out snowboarding or whatever he does in that neon colored jumpsuit. So how could you blow us off upon your return to Wasilla this past week?

There must have been at least 500 of us braving the cold north chill as it blew in and through the Wasilla Greyhound station. We had set up four hot coco stations. Hot dogs, cotton candy and five varieties of moose on a stick, including bear balls pie, your favorite. Yet you choose to slip in un-noticed, un-available and uppity. I ask again what has gotten into you?

Well, we don’t mean to make a big deal out of your big deal, however, we’ve compiled a list of concerns that may help if you decide to run for office in 2012.

1.   Here at home: First and foremost we hope you brought Joe the Plumber back to Wasilla with you because as you can see, the loo is backed up and that is why I’m writing you with my ass stuck in a trash can.

2.   Math: Don’t take this the wrong way, but, when a wealthy donor gives you $20, 000 to $25,000 for three suits for the Republican Party nomination bash, and three suits for the campaign trail they do not mean $150,000 for yourself, an additional $40,000 in snow attire for Todd, and most definitely NOT $20,000 plus for your kids, including $10,000 for Twig, that he will grow out of in the next year or so. We’re not counting but that adds up to a little over $200.000. Oh, and don’t let the Wasilla hillbilly looting Neiman Marcus statement, upset you. I would have done the same. Maybe.

3.   Geography: Africa is a continent, not a country.

4.   Periodicals: The Wall Street Journal is a newspaper not a diary.

5.   Interviews: When asked what magazines you do read, do not reply with People, Us and TV Guide.

6.   Thoughts: Try to finish a complete sentence.

7.   Politics: Just in case you didn’t know, there is a neighbor, considering the size of Alaska, neighbor is relative, but there is one you may consult with when it comes to politics and world affairs and that would be Mivox. Do look her up.

Well that’s about it. I left it at seven, let’s start off easy. After all even God took a rest on the seventh day. Which brings up another little riddle for you to settle upon: How come god had to rest on the seventh day, if he were indeed the creator of all mankind, why would he become tired? Or as my good friend Homer Simpson once said:  “Could God Cook a Burrito So Hot Not Even He Could Eat It?”

Ya’betcha.

Black and White

As a kid, nothing said Saturday morning more than pulling up  and parking in front of our black and white Zenith television still  dressed in PJs and armed with a plastic bottomless bowl of Rice Krispies. And as of by the magic of childhood: The Stooges would kick off the day.

Moe, Larry and Curly; man those cats were crazy.  Loved them, and in black and white to boot, of course, color television was a good ten years down the road so black and white will always be The Stooges.              

And the funny thing about this weekend morning tryst, was that my sisters, and her friends - when they would sleep over - come morning, would plop right down with the boys and much like us, didn’t miss an eye jab, a frying pan slap, a hammer to the head and lest we forget the two finger nose hook.  Nuk,nuk,nuk, wise guy and knucklehead became our neighborhood anthem.

Yet, today just try and ask your wife, girlfriend, lover or life coach to sit down with you to share a few hours of a Thanksgiving Day stooge marathon and you will get:

    * What?
    * Are you crazy?
    * They’re so stupid, I don’t have time,
    * Really? I have better things to do.
    * Would you move your ass and help me clean-up this mess, your parents will be over in a few hours."

And of course one that I’ve heard on more than one occasion: "When you’re done with your mind masturbation session can you get to work on cleaning the garage."

Now the last phrase may sound cruel and unusual punishment to be flapped down against a stooge lover but I must warn you, it will not hold up in divorce court. Again, trust me.

And if it’s a new relationship, they may sit down with you for a half hour tops for a stooge session but more times than not they will have to do floss, check for nose hairs or something similar that requires locking themselves in the bathroom until the TV goes silent.  

Truth be known; they are Closet Stooge Lovers. It’s just hard for them to come clean, I mean, How many times have you been called knucklehead, wise guy or asked "Were them funny noises comin' outta you or the piano?" by your significant other. Or what about when she’s a little upset and you ask “What’s wrong? And she replies "How can I ignite the fire in my heart when you've got your foot in my face!"

Getting the picture boys and girls?

However, I would suspect that most women that read this journal would more than gladly spend a Thanksgiving afternoon with you stooging while the in-laws are feedin’ down at Norms or Denny’s. Gotta love a woman like that. There is a lot to be said about a closet stooger that comes out even if it just once a year for a Dead Bird Day marathon.

Then without warning.
Not sure when, but the Stooges.
Went color.
Technicolor to be exact.

I never did rebound from that ticket, even though it was short lived and only lasted through a few full featured films the stooges were never the same.  Thank god for black and white reruns.

Now if you thought the stooges going color was a injustice to life as we know it then hold on to your seat kids, open another pack of chocolate Flicks or a roll out za stick of Necos because The Stooges are back in town and in full color.

 Grampy, Winky and Cindy McCain.

Yes, frightening by all measures, and yet if Grampy and Winky win the presidential race we are all in for a shitload of heartache.  So as keeping true to WLA I have compiled a first aid kit in the event that this abomination blooms.

Jot this list down, print it out, tattoo it on the small of your loved one’s back as a constant reminder of what to do just in case the GOP succeeds in stealing the seat from Senator Obama by fraudulent means as they did from Gore and Kerry.  (2000 and 2004)

 A WLA Surviving The Theft First Aid Kit:

1.   Two bed sheets: To be placed over elderly family members after suffering fatal consequences from eating imported Chinese pet food.

2.    Clown Makeup: As a last ditch effort to look like Grampy aka McCain in order find a rich wife so that you may not have to use the bed sheets for loved ones.

3.   $20 dollars in singles: Folded length wise so that they may fit easily into Winky’s Thong while she’s in town trying to raise funds for The Disabled Moose Foundation.

4.   One towel: For cleaning up after coming into contact with said thong. Lyme disease is not contagious but one can never be too careful.

5.   Knife: To be used for hunting pidgins and other small city animals.

6.   Personal water bottle: Optional

7.   Swimsuit: For bathing in local dwindling lake or reservoir.

8.   Tweezers: Not sure why, but they may come in handy.

9.   Magic Marker: To be used for cardboard signs reading; Will work for food.

10. Phone Card. A phone card will replace cell phones.

11. Ace Bandages: May be used in winter for warmth.

12. Matches: See item 11.

13. Bratwurst jerky: To be saved for Christmas or Thanksgiving.

14. Tennis balls: Tennis balls will replace the PlayStation and can be cut in half to make mud muffins.

15. Aspirin: Your new health plan.

Well that’s about it. What more can I say.  Grampy, Winky and Sister McCain may be the end of us all.  Use your vote wisely. We really do need a change.

 

Sincerely
The Super Secret Dissident of WLA.

Sarah's Lament and/or Pagent Answers

With just a little over four weeks away until the presidential election I must say I’m scared to death that the GOP may once again tamper with the results as they did in 2000. If so this means that SHE will be just as they say: A heartbeat away from being president.

Now if that doesn’t concern you, perhaps you should pay particular attention to this interview she had a few weeks ago with Sean Hannity, who happens to be about as Neo-Con as one can get. And even he couldn’t savage the interview.

Side note: In my little world of potatoes and imaginary friends just because you can skin a moose and kick your husband’s ass before dinner does not make a Vice President. In fact it doesn’t even make a mayor. Turns out when she was elected mayor of Wasilla, the first thing she did was hire someone to run the business end of mayorship while she hung out at Wal-Mart waiting for Ivana Trump.  (Her claim about Wal-Mart, not mine.)

I mean I could go on and on about this lipsticked pitbull. (Again, her claim.) However, why don’t you see for yourself. The following is an excerpt from the Hannity Interview. Which you can find here if you think I’m being a little paranoid.

Sean Hannity: What is our role as a country as it relates to national security?

Palin: Yes. That's a great question, and being an optimist I see our role in the world as one of being a force for good, and one of being the leader of the world when it comes to the values that -- it seems that just human kind embraces the values that -- encompass life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and that's just -- not just in America, that is in our world.

And America is in a position because we care for so many people to be able to lead and to be able to have a strong diplomacy and a strong military also at the same time to defend not only our freedoms, but to help these rising smaller democratic countries that are just -- you know, they're putting themselves on the map right now, and they're going to be looking to America as that leader.

Is it me or does this just ring a little like Miss South Carolina?

There’s more: An interview a few nights ago with Katie Couric, Sarah Lipstick talking about McCain.

Couric: You've said, quote, "John McCain will reform the way Wall Street does business." Other than supporting stricter regulations of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac two years ago, can you give us any more example of his leading the charge for more oversight?

Palin: I think that the example that you just cited, with his warnings two years ago about Fannie and Freddie - that, that's paramount. That's more than a heck of a lot of other senators and representatives did for us.

Couric: But he's been in Congress for 26 years. He's been chairman of the powerful Commerce Committee. And he has almost always sided with less regulation, not more.

Palin: He's also known as the maverick though, taking shots from his own party, and certainly taking shots from the other party. Trying to get people to understand what he's been talking about - the need to reform government.

Couric: But can you give me any other concrete examples? Because I know you've said Barack Obama is a lot of talk and no action. Can you give me any other examples in his 26 years of John McCain truly taking a stand on this?

Palin: I can give you examples of things that John McCain has done, that has shown his foresight, his pragmatism, and his leadership abilities. And that is what America needs today.

Couric: I'm just going to ask you one more time - not to belabor the point. Specific examples in his 26 years of pushing for more regulation.

Palin: I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you.

“I’ll bring them to you.” 

Jesus, woman this is an interview, not a homework assignment.

And would someone please explain the term Maverick to this poor lost soul.

I’m under the impression that she thinks maverick in Alaskan means grandpa. 

As for being the governor of the largest state in the union, can we all say LAND MASS? (Land area, 2000 (square miles)

God damn it, I checked. And as far as population goes Alaska is 47^th down the list.  In a nutshell, there are forty-six states that rival in the plus category when it comes to population. The only two states that have less people than Alaska would be North Dakota and Vermont.  So lets put this governor of the largest state in the union crap to bed and call it what it is: Governor of 676,987 people. Alaska is three times the size of California and yet California houses 36,457,549. Now, I’m not an Arnold supporter but as Governor of California I will say he has his job cut out for himself.

So when you stop and think about it, the U.S as a whole has just a wee bit more than 676,987 people living here and it’s my guess that a good share of those folks can answer a few easy questions.

Personally, I don’t think this woman is Vice President material. And this personal inner turmoil of mine will come to light as truth as soon as the media gets a hold of her.  As of now McCain’s people are not letting her near a media interview for the sole reason she may answer somewhat like she has in the past.  This is not a good thing. I would like to suggest that we let’em have a go at her to see what she’s really made of.

I would just like to close with, and yes, and you may feel free to tar and feather me but a nice set of tits and a good ass will only get you so far.

Hasta la vista, baby

More on the L Word

One thing about hitting mid-life early in life is that it allows for one to  compare how things are now to how they were back in the day. And there are just about as many things to compare as there are people to compare them. The common thread: Things are so much easier now than they were back in the day.

Case in point…

Celebratard Lindsey Loham is so low profiling since her recent arrest for DUI and cocaine possession in Santa Monica
this past July 24^th that most of us almost forgot about her. Almost, because like a pimple on one’s hind quarters it is much easier to hide than a pimple on one’s nose. And frankly… we were hoping that she had made it south to society’s back side – so as not to blemish the less than angelic City of Angles any more than she already has.

However, NEWS FLASH… she is still front and center on LA’s schnoz and is plainly trying to gain forgiveness and I think more than not… to get back into the good grace of her contract holders by entering rehab.

AGAIN.

Although, technically, this would be her first time it is in Utah, yes, the lovely state of Latter-day Saints. And her third stay for those of us that are waiting for her to hit bottom and end up at Starbucks with The Two Corey’s.

Now, is it just me or is she trying to really play this up that she is serious about rehab? Agreed, there are just so many things God can do, but when his miracle day planner is filled to capacity, best head on over to his other chosen people and see what they can do I say.

I guess the rehabs centers here in Los Angeles are just a little too lax when it comes to letting *cough-cough* guests out to shop during the day and to hit a few clubs by night as long as they are in by 3 am.

But this rehab in Utah... Cirque Lodge facility… WTF?  I’m not making this up. I couldn’t. And if I’m correct isn’t cirque just a French word for circus.

Come on everyone, let’s stand up and give the Mormons a rousing hand of applause for getting another foot into the door of the new American Dream: Making money by allowing brats to do what they please in the guise of atonement.

Back in the day… one went to rehab for various reasons. I will name a few here for the younger set.

1. You lost your job, haven’t changed clothes in two weeks, can’t remember the last time you shaved, crashed your car, you smell like dog ass.
2. Your spouse is about to leave you. (Note: after you’re sober they leave you anyway, being drunk just covered up the real crap most of the time
3. Your wife is pregnant for the fourth time and you haven’t had sex with her in two years, that you can remember.
4. Life has become unmanageable and suicide is your best thought of the day.
5. You can never find your car keys.

There are many more but the above list will give you some sort of idea as to how it USED to be.

Celebratard Loham's list seems to be just a bit different.

1. Her production company is about to drop her.
2. When driving over the speed limit and swerving from lane to lane she is pulled over by police who have never seen ‘Mean Girls’ ‘A Prairie Home Companion’ or ‘The Parent Trap’.   
3. She becomes dehydrated.
4. Becomes exhausted after not sleeping for five days straight.
5. Because Britney did it.

You see back in the day. Rehab was taboo, and if you did go in, you never went back a second time. You had one shot. Yeah, the wife still left you, the kids still threw all the crap you ever did back into your face. Money remained a major issue. But the upside was that you were sober, clean, and even smelled decent. They say don’t sweat the small shit. Well, most of life is small shit and when you do get sober you realize that you either deal with the shit or it deals you… OUT.

In the end, the Linster may get the picture, but I doubt it. I mean, when I was a kid, going to the circus was a treat for something well done by us kids.

Oh well, I guess just the definition of a situation makes it all the better. 

In the meantime… I’m going to find a nice fitting little black hood, not to tight but just loose enough so as not constrict, something fashionable and beach boyish and head on down to Santa Monica beach for a little water boarding.

Isn’t summer wonderful?

VT Backwards Spells TV

Looks like the talking heads have their work all laid out for the next few days. Even Glenn Beck and Nancy Grace gave up their daily rations of croissants and lattes for stale coffee and donuts out of the back of a news van to cover the latest hit to land a spot on American consciousness. Yeah, I’m talking about the VT Massacre and/or whatever the news puppets have decided to call it.

 I will keep this relatively short only because I will not be caught up in this crap for the next two weeks as the ‘professionals’ try and figure out why Cho Seung-Hui did what he did.

 We already know why: Because he was a freaking whacko. Nothing more, nothing less boys and girls, that is all we need to know. End of investigation.

 Yet, on the other hand the conservative right is by all measures avoiding the term ‘gun control’, the left screaming nothing other than. And we as a nation… well we are ‘seemingly’ in need to know why this happened, or at best, how long will it keep our interest. After all Nicole had a good run, Most of us think that she is still dead, the baby has a father now and the father has a lot of money to look forward to. But all in all we are missing the big picture. The bottom line here is that we are a culture of violence, a culture of war, and most of all, a culture of sensationalism. That pretty much sums it up in a nutshell – no pun intended.

Case in point…

Gun Control. Prior to the invasion of Iraq, suicide bombings were unheard of in Baghdad? It was not until 2003, that the first suicide bombers made an appearance – a brief appearance I’m sure but never-the-less they found that they were able to do what they do best: Blow people up. So what does gun control have to do with a world that comes to us in miniature sound bytes and ten second film clips? Answer: Everything.

 You see, not every insurgent, terrorist, or anti-American loyalist has access to a series of M24 special sniper weapons. So they go with what they do have, or actually, what is much more available and effective: Explosives, and not only are explosives beneficial to the cause but it allows the powers to be to void paying out a pension plan. So when you break it down like that, one does not need a gun if they want to cause major havoc. I’m sure that if Mr. Hui was dead set on taking out a measure of students he would have found another way other than using a handgun if need be. Hell, he was a college student for Christ sakes. Not exactly your regular street thug.

 Now, I don’t own a gun, never have and hope that I never will. But if people want to own guns then so be it. That is their right. I own a car, get in front of that after taking out one of my loved ones and you will see just what kind of damage a 99 Chevy can do. But does that mean we need to control who owns a car. Hell, I could beat a person to death with a book if I had the mind to. Should be register books? So, lets not get all high and mighty about what is and what isn’t going on about laws that ban.

 If you ask me… We need laws to protect us from being stupid, cover stupid and we wall would be a lot happier.

 The next question we should ask ourselves is just how do we as a society fall into the mix and if we look close enough we would find that we allow ourselves to get caught up in a very serious state of sensationalism. Now take a big deep breath… cuz, you’re gonna need it.

 YOU see, we love this sort of shit. We love to have something to talk about at the water cooler, we can’t wait to get home, scoop out a dish of ice cream and catch the 11:00 o’clock news or Nightline to see how many and how they were killed in any given situation. We love that reality effect as long as it’s on TV and not next door. We love seeing blood, crying and big explosions and long as we can shut it off if we have a fancy to. We flocked to the special bulletin when OJ was flying down the 405 hunkered down in the backseat of his Bronco. We were all mesmerized by the televised invasion of Kuwait. We hung on to every light tracer over Baghdad when it came to Dubya’s Shock and Awe attack. We couldn’t get enough of Katrina or the likes of her sisters. We can’t break away from freeway chases or shootouts in the workplace.

We are hooked.

 The last report I took notice of on this horrendous injustice to the public was earlier this afternoon when a reporter came on and said. “This is not a reflection of our society as a whole or not even as American culture, in fact, the perpetrator wasn’t even American.”

Well God Damn… Bitchslap me can call me Tina. I’m sure glad we cleared that up. I'm glad South Korea is void of oil or we would declare war.

 I for one have stack of books sitting next to my reading lamp, all lined up and waiting for a moment with me. My own little literary party with a list of invitees, which include Pete Dexter, Aimee Bender, Charles Baxter and Jasper Fforde...

 I agree, it’s a horrible thing that took over VT, but it is nothing compared to what we AS a society are allowing to go on in a country half way around the world, next door, or even in the next room. It’s not sensationalism until it makes all the networks and then we take notice.

Then… we can ask why…

The Way I See - Part I

From today's headlines, or at least how I saw it - A syndicated WLA News Feature.

Britain Lets Mother Keep Obese Son
By Alvin Valles (Water Lilly Alley  Press Writer
From WLA Press

February 27, 2007 9:38 PM EST

LONDON - A mother who feared she might lose custody of her obese 8-year-old son unless he lost weight was allowed to keep the boy after striking a deal Tuesday with the co-founders of eBay. Nicola McKeown, 35 said she would sue the online auction house if they continued to allow an unidentified party to place the boy on eBay as a humanitarian gesture stating that he was big enough to feed an entire village in South India for a month.

Proceeds from the sale were to go to the JonBenet Child Makeup Foundation In Louisville, Kentucky.   

Really, It's All The Same.

Los Angeles. CA – According to a 2006 census officials reported that there is a rapid decline of Christians in America due to an increasing rise in family homicides. "This trend can be traced back to The White House where President Bush last year encouraged Christian-Americans to shed their current moderate beliefs in God and give into the fundamental thinking of the Old Testament in order to match wits with the current religious beliefs of Islam, said Ronald Gooseman, secretary of The Patron Saint of Homeland Security, and White House religious advisor.

"At first we thought it to be an anomaly," reported Mike Houseman, lead CIA informant, "however after an exhaustive investigation it was determined that a majority of the Christian based murders were attributed to a passage from Deuteronomy (13:7-11)

If your brother, the son of your father or of your mother or your son or daughter, or the spouse whom you embrace, or your most intimate friend, tries to secretly seduce you, saying, " Let us go and serve other gods," unknown to your or your ancestors before you, gods of the peoples surrounding you, whether near you or far away, anywhere throughout the world you must not consent, you must not listen to him; you must not show him no pity, you must not spare him or conceal his guilt, no, you must kill him, your hand must strike the first blow in putting him to death and the hands of the rest of the people following, You must stone him to death, since he has tried to divert you from Yahweh your God…

Alfred Merryweather was arrested late Sunday night after savagely stoning his wife, daughter and son to death upon their return home from a Yoga Class at the Tai Chi Cultural Center.

Premeditated murder charges are expected to be lodged against Mr. Merryweather after several neighbors reported that the murders took place over a period of two and a half hours due to the fact that the victims kept dodging the stones.

"These atrocities are becoming more and more frequent" said Ronald Gooseman, we are hoping that President Bush will rewrite the selected passage of Deuteronomy (13:7-11) to read " to seriously maim" Losing this many Christians in such a short time could be fatal to the country’s support of the War on Terrorism.

                                                                            - A. Valles

Lindsey Loham and Party Friends

Ok first of all let me apologize for the Lindsey Loham thing. Although I’m back to updating on somewhat of a regular basis, hits on this site have been a little low. However they are in an upward trend, a slow upward trend, well actually an upward crawl. But the truth of the matter is that most of us pound out this dribble so that it may be read.

Well, that is partly true, some folks write for personal insight, to find who they are, to reflect or to gain a firm understanding on the world.

In short, that would not be me.

So I figured it wouldn’t hurt any to reach under the proverbial pimp bench and do whatever it takes to pull in a few Googlers. So if you wandered in here in search of Lindsey’s butt cleavage… sorry, but since you’re here…

Welcome.

Stuck on Stickers
As I was taking a break in between breaks last night at work I ran across this article. Now, as a rule I don’t let things bother me when it comes to “The News”: I figure that most people in the news are idiots or else they wouldn’t’ be in the news. Of course the Dali Lama, Eddie Izzard and Howard Zinn do not fall into this category, but I digress.

So when I came across this article I felt a dire need to put in my two cents.

ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) -- A woman who was ticketed for having an obscene anti-Bush bumper sticker filed a lawsuit in federal court Monday against a county in the state of Georgia and its officials.

Denise Grier, 47, of Athens, Georgia, got a $100 ticket in March after a DeKalb County police officer spotted the bumper sticker, which read "I'm Tired Of All The BUSH**."

A DeKalb judge threw out the ticket in April because the state's lewd decal law that formed the basis for the ticket was ruled unconstitutional in 1990.

Ok, I’m all right with the above. Being ticketed would be enough to piss anyone off and rightly so. But here is where it gets a little sticky.

Grier is seeking damages from the county for "emotional distress," according to the lawsuit.

Emotional Distress? Oh dear me, W.T.F. is up with that Ms. Grier?

This is what one would call little potatoes when it comes to one’s personal rights in this country and it is people like you Ms. G that makes it almost impossible to get a decent court hearing when it comes to something that has real value of personal infringement.

However, let’s move on…

Grier also seeks a declaration in federal court that her bumper sticker is considered constitutionally protected speech because she is "uncertain and insecure regarding her right to display her bumper sticker in DeKalb County," the lawsuit said.

Why are you even bothering? It’s not like you found a pubic hair on your can of Coca-Cola or anything. If so, them, I’m sure it would be worth bringing to light.  But "uncertain and insecure regarding your right to display a bumper sticker” What were you thinking?

Grier, a nurse who works at Emory University and other hospitals, also is seeking punitive damages against the DeKalb police officer who gave her the ticket because he "acted with reckless disregard" of her rights, the lawsuit said.

Let’s review:

I agree that it was wrong to have cited you for the sticker and in the original case the judge did throw it out of court. So why pursue it further in federal court with a lawsuit and how in the hell do you figure you ended up with emotional stress.  Let’s count the ways.

• Did the police officer roll out the water board from the trunk of his patrol car?
• Did the police officer give you a nipple mammogram with a pair of pliers?
• Do you still have all your fingernails?
• Are your knees intact?
• Are you bleeding from anywhere other than where you should be?
• Are your kids safe?
• Do you have any open tooth cavities that you didn’t have before you received the TICKET?
• Are you still able to sit down without wincing?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions then you are indeed suffering from emotional stress. If not, furgetaboutit.

As far as punitive damages.

Unless the officer pistol or baton whipped you, or dangled his Johnson in front of you or your kids, then there really aren’t any damages associated with your freaking rights in regards to free speech.

If I were to have sued for punitive damages every time an officer talked smack to me or ticketed me without provocation then I can pretty much say that I would be one rich SOB.

Free speech is something that should not be taken lightly, but it was a freaking bumper sticker and I just can’t side with you here. On the other hand if you’re standing on a street corner and burning the American Flag in protest of the current administration and you are arrested, I will be the first to raise the issue of your right to free speech and expression

I too have a strong dislike for our president but I’m not going to clog the legal path for those that may need to use the system, for those that have been robbed and beaten down of their rights and dignity.

Shame on you Ms. Grier.