Water Lilly Alley

I've Got News For You.

Ever notice how when you flip a coin, it goes up just so high, does a peak flip and then comes down provoking a momentary question just before it lays bare the seemingly anticipated facts?  There is no gray area with a coin flip, it’s either Yes or No. Of course there is a two out of three option for the desperate but it still ends up the same.

And that is what brings me here today.

The either/or plan, or maybe the fact that I will be turning 59 this coming week. Which isn’t a bad thing, because for the last year I thought I was 59, taking about getting ahead of oneself. But then for those of you that know me; this way of doing things is how I do things and as suspecting as I am, I don’t see my ways changing any time soon.

Throughout my school years my only achievement worth noting had to do with being a very well informed clock consultant. I couldn’t wait to get out of class, I couldn’t wait to get home, couldn’t wait to turn 18. I couldn’t wait to turn 21, couldn’t wait to get married, couldn’t wait to get divorced and so on.

Once I realized waiting was just a waste of time I found myself here; trying to live in the moment. And I owe that enlightenment to what someone once said to me a while back. “You do realize you have come further than you are going”

Boy, if that isn’t a wake-up call then I don’t know what is.

However, life can be fun, even in middle age.

In fact, you all can turn off your iPods, PlayStations, iPhone, iTouch, or whatever else requires a battery to enhance your day and come and get old school with me in a rousing bout of BINGO.

The rules are basically the same as you remember them: Except for a few changes.

The idea is to get five squares across, five up or down or diagonally. However, unlike the original Bingo, if you get a black out, (Blackout bingo, commonly known as "Coverall Bingo" is one of the most popular types of bingo patterns.)  a black out bingo card basically means you’re dead. The downside here is that you have no idea that you’ve won.  I don’t recommend going for the cover all. We just want to have fun here.

Here is your card. We will be playing as soon as I rewind the clock and remember: If you feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before, then this game if for you.

And How is That?

Dear Sister La Cienega

Recently my 7 year-old asked me ‘With the alarm button gone, what happens to danger?’ Well, as you may have guessed, this question took me quite by surprise. Needless to say, it was just a skoosh above the old standby of ‘Why is the sky blue?’ and telling her that blue is the color of God’s underwear worked when she was 5.  But, my heavens, what is this thing about danger all about?

Lost in New Orleans.

Dear Lost in New Orleans.

Kids are somewhat the curious little creatures aren’t they?  However, you needn’t be alarmed by her interest in the concept of danger. In this time of kidnappings, hit and run incidents, being orphaned, death of a grandparent or kindergarten teacher, life can be downright scary for the little sprogs. 

Just remember that there are times when finagling a tale or two will explain away a child’s curiosity but in this case I think truth is the best policy, but then again, it all depends on how truth is delivered. Children are much more advanced today than when we were kids. 

I suggest that you sit down with her, notebook in hand with the this one item written in crayon

Q: With the alarm button gone, what happens to danger?

Let her mull it over for a few minutes and then have her write:

A: Danger goes renegade.

Then promptly explain.

Renegade danger is like when your Uncle Louie was walking through the park last summer and a squirrel overhead in a tree had a heart attack and fell on top of Uncle Louie’s head, and as the squirrel’s little sinuous paws dug into Uncle Louie’s forehead to stop its fall, and in doing so, the little rodent gouged out Uncle Louie’s eyes.

Or like when we were driving in the country last year and a large bug hit the windshield, and remember how at first we were startled, but then we laughed when the bug’s body had designed a crazy pattern on the glass in its foolish quest to take the highway. And how all the pretty colors in that design had snapped us all up in a fit of the giggles and that I was laughing so hard that I ran off the road and hit a pole, and remember we couldn't call for help because the pole we hit turned out to be a cell phone tower.

That too, my child, is renegade danger.