I've been stumbling on my feet...

One of coal mining’s earliest systems for warning of the presence
of methane gas, the canary in the coal mine, though low-tech, was
extremely effective and rather easy to read: if the bird died,
miners had to get out of the shaft.

I must say this worked rather well for the miners and yet was somewhat slanted for the canary. Yet, miners knew when to get out. And thanks to countless brave canaries – the ones that died, thousands of miners lived full and fruitful lives.

Now wouldn’t that be wonderful if in relationships we were to have a bright, colorful and perky little creature to let us know when a relationship was about to go tits up. The creature wouldn’t even have to be very high on the food chain. A game hen would do. It’s only real duty in life would be to warn us of pending danger. And in return, we wouldn’t eat them. A damn good partnership mind you.

My point being that most couples don’t have a clue when it comes to love. Well, to be completely honest women have always nudged themselves just a bit further up the evolutionary scale of love only because they talk to one another. Hell, guys, if they do talk, it’s about sports, cars, sex, sports and…. Oh yeah sex. We never really venture very far out into the pool of emotional compatibility lest we make eye contact with one another and really screw things up.

Basically, we don’t have a clue. Hell, unless a woman comes up to me, unbuttons her blouse, and sets the twins free, I would not have the slightest clue that she was interested in me. I’m not kidding. And I’m not alone. Clueless, I tell you. Anyway… it’s amazing that so many couples are together when so many haven’t a inkling as to how do deal when a disaster presents itself time and time again.

And I think it would be safe to say that most guys really don’t put a lot of effort into dropping themselves into a relationship and yet like fruit cocktail in the middle of a bowl of Jell-O, there they are – relationship-ed.

Now here is my dilemma. If a guy doesn’t have the slightest idea as how he got into a long term affiliation with his -*cough-cough* soul mate - then how in the hell is he to know when to get out – if that is a viable option? Of course there will be the dish throwing, the screaming, the door slamming, the broken CDs, his clothes tossed into the dumpster. But what is this telling him? Well from a guy’s perspective let me answer that for you. In a nutshell – he sees it as, she pissed, again.

Now, it’s the ‘again’ that gets me. Some people will spend countless years in a nest of agains.

How many ‘agains’ does it take? 

That is where The Relationship Early Warning Creature would come in handy. Instead of a dog or falcon for a pet, every guy stepping into a relationship would be issued a hedgehog. You see… Hedgehogs are easily distinguished by their spines, which are hollow hairs made stiff with keratin. Their spines are not poisonous or barbed and, unlike the quills of a porcupine, cannot easily be removed from the animal.

And every morning before going to work, a guy could check for loose hedgehog spines, if there are none… things are good. It’s when he begins finding one here, one there, a few in the closet, in the bathroom, the foyer, that he really should be thinking about what has gone afoot in the relationship. With this early warning system in place he would have plenty of time to make things right with his *soul mate* and save the relationship before it goes Krakatoa on him. HE WOULD HAVE A CLUE.

However, if he were to wake and find a bald hedgehog, well, no need to wait to dig clothes out of the dumpster. May as well pack and get out while the getting is good. This would save years of grief and besides… his new roommate Hedgy could teach him thing or two about growing a new spine.

I’m just sayin…

Comments

[Stephanie]

Hedgehog spines... Relationships going Krakatoa... Priceless! By the way, that is one scary looking doll!

[Alvin]

Yup, sooner or later something has to give. May as well be volcanoes and spines.
=a=

[Alvin]

Yup, sooner or later something has to give. May as well be volcanoes and spines.
=a=