Doll Edema

Doll Edema (say: dal eh-dee-mah) aka DE is swelling or puffiness of parts of a doll's body. It is caused by low grade plastic that gets trapped in the tissues of the doll’s appendages. Edema usually happens in the feet, ankles and legs. It also can affect the face and hands. Barbies and older Cabbage Patch Kids are usually immune to this disease, but it can happen to just about any doll manufactured after 1936.

Many things can cause doll edema. Sometimes gravity pulls the plastic down into the legs and feet. However, placing a doll body in the rear window of an automobile can bring on DE in just a matter of hours. The rear window of the 1974 American Motors Pacer was notorious for causing DE in over 1 gazillion dolls alone.

The other leading cause of DE is The Little Brother, most younger brothers have been known to use dolls to try and retrieve a Whamo Frisbee from roofs of garages and other urban structures. After two or three attempts to retrieve the Frisbee the doll usually ends up right next to the flying disk on the roof to suffer the wrath of the sun.

As of this report we have no idea whatsoever as to how many dolls have been lost to Rooftop DE. But we think it is more than twenty.

Doll Edema cannot be cured. The only way to treat doll edema is to treat the condition that is causing it. The following are some things you can do to keep the swelling plastic down:

•Put a pillow over the doll’s face and press gently, this works well while watching any Joan Crawford film.

•Wrap the doll’s legs in duct tape, which you can buy at most hardware stores. Duct tape puts pressure on the doll’s legs and keeps plastic from collecting in legs and ankles. Dolls can then be accessorized with G.I. Joe leftovers while your younger brother is recovering from someone placing copious amounts of poison ivy in his sleepover sleeping bag.

•Follow your doctor's orders about limiting how much playtime with Barney and Sponge Bob Square Pants you doll is allowed to have. (The above aforementioned play date partners are seriously not recommended by The Association of Preventative Measures of Doll Edema for any of your dolls that do NOT already suffer from DE.)

Your doctor might want you to take a medicine called a mojito (say: mo-HEE-toe), while your doll is recovering.

You can purchase purple DE wrist bracelets to show your support in finding a cure of this crippling disease buy contacting the person(s) responsible for this Public Service Announcement.

Comments

[Carol]

Wow I had no idea that there was a cure for doll edema. Do you know how to cure the doll hair hacked with blunt dull scissors problem? I have heard that brothers and sometimes jealous sisters cause this.

[Alvin]

Hi Carol.
Actually there is a cure for hacked hair, but that is a green wrist bracelet. ;-)

[Stephanie]

Hilarious!